Father, Son, Spirit . . . or . . . Rock, Paper, Scissors

This article was originally written by Mark Driscoll and can be found by following the link.

The One God has kindly told us who He is:Father, Son, and Spirit. But some chicks and some chickified dudes with limp wrists and minors in “womyn’s studies” are not happy because two persons of the Trinity have a dude-ish ring. So, in an effort to copy-edit God, some folks at the Presbyterian Church (USA) who have free time because no one is going to their church have decided to consider new names for God. The entire fiasco can be found at USA Today.

The gist is that a committee (yet another problem) is compiling alternative language for the Trinity. Then churches in the denomination can have the freedom to call God whatever works for them because, of course, the most important aspect of worship is that the worshipper not be forced to deal with the real God. Some of the names being considered include the following:

  • Mother, Child, Womb
  • Rock, Redeemer, Friend
  • Lover, Beloved, Love
  • Creator, Savior, Sanctifier
  • King of Glory, Prince of Peace, Spirit of Love

Never mind that the Ten Commandments start with the order not to mess with whom God has revealed Himself to be. And never mind that Jesus taught us to pray “Our Father,” because Jesus never went to college and didn’t even know what a liturgy or a committee was.

But if the committee is still taking suggestions, maybe we could call God one of the following:

  • Rock, Paper, Scissors
  • Larry, Curly, Moe
  • Beast, False Prophet, Antichrist
  • Chocolate, Peanut, Nougat
  • Judas, Herod, Pharaoh
  • Paula, Randy, Simon
  • Fastball, Curveball, Changeup
  • Momma Bear, Poppa Bear, Baby Bear

And maybe we could start calling mainline Protestant pastors who despise God’s Word something new and compile a new series of title options for them, too, such as:

  • Heretics
  • Nutjobs
  • Wingnuts
  • Tools
  • Kindling

Lastly, I am truly sorry for all the real Christians stuck in this dysfunctional family because the denomination owns their buildings. It must feel like living with an ex-wife. Our prayers to God the Father through God the Son by the power of God the Spirit are with you. One day they will see that they have been messing with the Judge, Jury, and Executioner.

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  1. I grew up in the Presbyterian Church. I must say, I do not remember hearing anything like this happening. The only gender-related issue I was aware of at the time was women in pastoral positions. They have other issues, like infant baptism, but otherwise were a lot like reformed Baptists. This sounds like something I would expect from the United Methodist Church, but not the Presbys. CRAY-ZAY!

  2. Fo’ Sho. The PCUSA (Presbyterian Church USA) is definitely the liberal branch of the Presbyterian denomination. So it doesn’t surprise me that they would produce this kind of heresy.

    But, if I could cast my vote for a name change it would be for the mainline Protestant pastors who despise God’s Word to be called: Kindling.

  3. I vote Fastball, Curveball, Change up

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